Thursday 5-11-06 3 a.m.

Long report to The Admiralty about the pedal adjustment snafu. Captain inquires how in the name of opposable thumbs could the drive be delivered without instructions on pedal adjustment. Matter referred to naval intelligence, ensuring a thorough and incomprehensible study due out no earlier than the phase-out of this particular piece of gear.

Captain reports intention to get boat back on the water for shakedown cruise number two this weekend. Early morning high tide should bring the surface height up within a few inches of the top of the dock ensuring relatively easy kayak entry. Plans are under way for a temporary ladder that can be hung from the dock cleats for easier recovery at the end of the cruise.

Bow and stern lines have been downsized from ½ inch to 3/8 inch line. Still clear the kayak will need many padeyes, a couple of cleats, and several “leashes” added to come up to minimums. Captain hopes the sail kit will be available soon; now caught up in re-think about whether yellow versus red sail would be best for visibility.

[Crew (aka darn cat) notes a sail should increase the chances to further test the boat’s tertiary stability.] Captain suggests the situation could be improved if Crew was along as ballast. [Crew reminds Captain: how much fun was it last time Captain tried to give Crew a bath or a pill?] Captain glances involuntarily scars on his hands and forearms and orders Crew to “carry on.” Crew licks something disgusting.

Captain has begun a form on the computer to be used as an aid before each voyage to be sure all appropriate gear and supplies are stowed properly. Going to put list on a clipboard; completed lists to go in binder and be recreated or scanned into computer to be ship’s log. Maybe do as a database. Spaces for date, launch and take out information, water and weather conditions, etc., included – to be a work in progress.

[Crew notes activity does not mean progress.] Captain asks Crew’s progress in catching his own tail? [Crew notes at least he has a tail.]

Thursday May 11, 2006

Thanks, Apalach (I think). Captain’s loquacious posts are a condition of the kayak diversion program which the admiralty imposed as a result of a misunderstanding that cannot be mentioned. [Crew (aka darn cat): The Admiralty thinks Captain can work out certain issues by getting involved in the type of activities that inspired his boyhood choice to stay afloat as much as possible.]

Nonsense! The Captain has no issues, except perhaps referring to himself in the third person, and certainly will not “work out.” It is true that he ran away from home at 7 to fish and wade in the Delta, much to his mother’s repeated horror. It is also true that Captain built rafts out of anything he thought would float and ventured down the Calaveras River in search of fish and adventure well before he was 10 (please don’t tell Mom).

Pallet-based rafts, homemade “canoes,” sailboats, rowboats, and even 8-man shells in college, captured the Captain’s love and attention. Small bass boats and store-boat canoes were part of at least weekly voyages for years. Being “on the beach” the last few years has taken its toll, and this first kayak is a renewed declaration of independence.

So, please pardon the Captain for going on, it’s yakitis in its first and most virulent form. [Crew notes: antibiotics might help.] Captain urges Crew to try some worm pills if he thinks pills are so good. [Crew says: “After you.”] Silence falls in no-man’s land.

6:10 p.m.

Photos of Crew? Of Captain?

Now you've done it. Crew (aka darn cat) has been posing non-stop, insisting we watch something called America's Next Top Model, and asking "does this kayak make me look fat" every time the Captain turns around. Crew has always been a bundle of pure ego and asking for a picture has set him off on a "look at me, I'm cute" campaign that would shame an entire beauty pageant.

As Captain is both the president and a member of the looks-can-shatter-mirrors club, he will hide behind the excuse that no digital camera has yet found itself into ship's stores. Nonetheless, it is not impossible that an enemy agent might post an illicit surveillance photo or two from time to time.

Crew is groveling and cavorting, looking through his tail, and going through contortions that would give a belly dancer a hernia just to watch. Captain asks Crew if he has no pride.

[Crew answers only lions have prides and asks Captain to bat his eyelashes.] Captain offers to bat anyone who asks that again, Crew sulks off. Situation normal.

Monday, May 15, 2006
Thanks to those of you who asked what Crew (aka darn cat) thinks, but kayak wear, wetsuits, drysuits, and such are of little interest to Crew.

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Crew believes that fish and other good things to eat should live in the water and, while it is acceptable for Captain to fish or tide pool to harvest things for Crew, it is contrary to the greater scheme of things for land creatures to get wet all over for any reason. Crew therefore resists baths, clearly with a religious fervor.

Crew and Captain have long since had to agree to disagree on what to wear. Crew seems to believe the creator gave us what we need and that wearing anything is to betray who and what we are; Crew therefore refuses – again apparently on religious grounds - to wear his uniform or even a collar.

[Crew: Having been around the Captain in clothed times and not, however, some things are better left unseen out of courtesy to those around us.]

May 16, 2006

Crew (aka darn cat):

'To my unknown brother, I feel your pain, but you are looking at the glass half empty.

Remember your humans will come to the door if you cry long enough, whether to let you in or out. If not be sure to spray some encouragement where they can’t help but notice it when they are really tired – I like their bed pillow! (Often results in a swift, sometimes airborne, trip!)

Humans will feed you whatever you want – just try a small hunger strike and drool when they eat fresh meat. It’s always fun to try some pitiful meowing once in a while to let them know how much you are suffering! (Jump on the table and take what you want if they do not get the hint).

Allergies are some sort of human self-hypnosis. Or maybe it’s some form of mass hysteria promoted by big drug companies? Either way, some humans claim allergies and some don’t. As cats, what do we care!

Dogs (Dumb Oversized Guards) are just desperate for leadership; take over as alpha being and make the dog serve you. Dogs can be soft and warm to sleep on. Dogs just can’t seem to understand pottie training so they always make us look good.

Domestic bird tastes like our poo smells. Terrorize them, yes – even bat them around a little if you get the chance, but don’t waste your time fantasizing about bringing budgie home to dinner.

Captive? Confined? Don’t make me laugh. We rule wherever we live. Remember your kitten training: use cute, use suffering, manipulate, manipulate, manipulate! Separate out the weakest human in the herd (there’s always one) and train them well.

Now get back in there and remember who you are: a cat, graced by nature with charm. wit, and an arsenal of tricks both fair and foul Be inspired, be bold, (and if necessary remind the humans that our cousins in Africa are.still eating them.' - Crew out.

May 17-06

Well, bit the bullet. New wetsuit. 7mm, one-piece, 3X back entry Aqualung, plus separate hooded vest, told both super stretchy and non-confining. Suit a bit tight in the shoulders, but they tell me it will loosen up with use. Went in thinking a 3 mm but told I would freeze by two different shops. Both recommended basically the suit I bought; said they kayaked and freedived?dove? in the same suit, etc.

Also got dive gloves, suit and accessory hangers, and a large mesh duffle bag in which to haul everything around. Sticker shock. Have to go back for some pool time with the gear to figure out dive weights – they think I might need over 25 pounds! (Plus 5 more for saltwater.)

Together with an NRS paddling jacket, an inexpensive Stearns waterproof/breathable pant-and-jacket set, and my breathable Orvis chest waders, I guess I have covered my likely alternative needs and am out of excuses. See you on the water!

Crew (aka darn cat) did an amusing double-take when he saw the wetsuit hanging on my weight machine; thought I brought home a very dark and quiet stranger. [Crew: no, for a second I thought the old crab had finally molted!]

May 18, 2006
Rods: one-piece or two?

I have the normal fisherman's warehouse of tackle throughout my house to choose from in outfitting my kayak and, of course, it would be just awful to have to buy some new toys. My expeditions are almost always multi-species, multi-activity (fishing, diving, touring, camping, etc.).

So I am trying to figure out how to carry all the stuff in my first kayak, a Hobie Adventure. I am looking at dry bags to stow gear in the hull that is not being actively used.

I want to keep things dry and safe when the boat is being used as a dive platform, and in the event I find myself checking out the boat’s tertiary stability (aka clinging to the overturned hull).

So, it looks to me that one-piece fishing rods are out of the question. In fact, getting even two-piece rods in and out of the hull while on the water may be a challenge. Same challenge for long freedive fins and spearguns. On river and lake tours you can almost always pull over to shore to wrestle with gear if need be, but the ocean is a different deal. How do you guys handle these challenges?

[Crew (aka darn cat): notes his solution is to stay home, but the Captain is always pressing his luck.]

Nonsense, luck has little to do with it! It's opportunity meeting preparation, and this post is all about preparation. [Crew: so that's luck you feel when opportunity meets Preparation H?] Captain reminds Crew that common decency and federal HIPPA laws prohibit disclosure of medical information. [Crew notes he never claimed to be common, and violates naval tradition while demonstrating why he doesn't need said preparation.] Captain notes further demerits. Message ends.

5-19-06 Friday

Hectic work week but determined to be dive-ready for weekend.

3:10 pm. Pool test of freedive gear at Dolphin, Stockton. Nice young woman from Sacramento shop minding the store solo. Dive knife in, no line cutter. She says no titanium knives with line cutters available; decide to keep wicked-fine looking little fish-killing knife. Buy knife lanyard and straps; dry box for valuables, and snorkel strap (stock hard plastic clip on snorkel pulling snorkel sideways out of mouth).

Old rubber weight belt looked okay but black rubber dust on hands told the tale: deteriorated and not to be trusted. New weight system required. Cost of new rubber belt versus nylon belt and bag system not so different, but bag weights more expensive.

Decide to go with belt and bag system, and a pair of weight bags in the 5 (red), 4 (blue), 3 (black), 2 (green), and 1 (yellow) pound sizes – for a total weight of 30 (!) pounds.

Talk with staffperson about stuff and freediving gear. Ask best practices with gear and freediving. Nothing major learned but nice, encouraging talk from her. [Crew (aka darn cat): Aha! Renewed interest in diving begins to make more sense. Admiralty kept Captain in drydock too long!] Stop it, she’s young enough to be Captain’s daughter. [Crew: that’s your story and maybe you’d better stick to it.]

Put on Aqualung Aquaflex 7mm, vest and hood, and back entry full suit. Put on booties. Put on freedive fins, mask, and snorkel. Put on dive gloves. Waddle backwards to ladder. Use side of ladder to sit on poolside and then ease into the four foot deep, shallow end of the pool. Nice to cool off in the water. These fins are long!

Breath hold without any cleansing or packing breathes is barely enough to comfortably swim length of pool underwater (about 50-60 feet?); lack of conditioning and hay fever definitely, maybe stress excitement. [Crew: how many times did you sneeze into that mask, anyway?]

Positively buoyant at the 13 foot bottom of the pool. Left ear painful pressure, try repeatedly but cannot equalize. Mask fogging a bit despite toothpaste wash at home and application of defogger at home. Weight belt too big; repeated adjustments make it better – will need to work on at home. Did not strap on knife.

Somehow spent over an hour in the water! Fun but tired, and back a little sore – I think from different fin stroke (long, slow, wide kicks) and heavy weight belt. Shoulders still feel a bit restricted in suit but not too bad. Staffer gives tip on keeping water out of booties by doubling over the tops.

Wet wetsuit and new weight belt make dive duffle very heavy. How is this going to work in the kayak?

[Crew: Captain could lose some more personal ballast. Wasn’t that one of the reasons the Admiralty approved the kayak?] Captain starts to think Crew could get by with a few less cans of tuna!

Leave shop at 5:30 pm (!) Starving! Thirsty! Tired! Walk to grocery store. Back in car. Eat. Drink. Go home. Hang gear to dry. Take nap. [Crew: Captain looked like something I dragged in!]

5-24-06

Crew (aka darn cat) is the dry land Recon element of this amphibious force. Regardless of Captain's orders Crew so far refuses to consider on- or under-water duty, claiming secret orders based on what is apparently a quasi-medical, quasi-religious situation shared by all Crew.

Captain reminds Crew that as a Bengal cat he is supposed to love water like tigers do: swimming. etc., mentioning breach of contract.

[Crew reminds Captain: regarding breached contracts that the recruiter promised Crew fresh fish every day in this being's navy.] An uneasy silence fills the base.

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